7.  Demetrious “Mighty Mouse” Johnson

Five feet 3 inches, 125 pounds. His bald head and protruding ears, make DJ the ideal candidate to demolish my wife. He would be higher up on the list, but having a 6 foot 4 inch, 235 pound wife may make it too hard to see DJ.

It would be like an NFL linebacker eating a grape.

6. Sean O’Malley

Although, “Suga” has been sidelined for quite awhile, he has fantastic cardio and a fro for my wife to run her sausage-like fingers through. 

5. Jon Jones

A night of eye pokes may cause an early stoppage for my wife, if Jon “Sensual Chocolate” ever graces her with his wrestling background. And to Jon’s delight, hit and runs are encouraged in the Super Fan household.

4.  Stephen Thompson

Scoot over Michelle Waterson. The real Karate Hottie is en route to my bedroom. Stephen Thompson looks like the type of guy that would at least take my wife out on date to Chili’s to grab a 2 for $20 platter, before absolutely out pointing her in the sheets.

3. Elias Theodorou

Like myself, Elias is currently unemployed. Fortunately, unlike myself, my wife has expressed significant interest in tangling hair with the “ring boy”.

2. Sam Alvey

Sam will not be the only one smiling as he absolutely steam rolls my wife, as I watch from the outside the window, without my wife’s knowledge. Please Sam if you are reading this, lift the restraining order.

1.  Eddie Alvarez

We all knew this was coming. Unlike the other fighters on this list, Eddie has actually confirmed that he has given this proposal significant thought.

Eddie is a cardio freak, with a high finish rate and a great ground game. You will see my satisfied face in the reflection of his shiny, bald head if we ever get this matchup made.

____
Make sure to follow The Scrap News (@thescrapnews) on Twitter.
Follow UFC Super Fan (@McgregorRousey), a competitor on Season 2 of The Ultimate Writer.