Top 5 UFC fighters I would NOT let sleep with my wife

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This article was submitted by UFC Super Fan, a contestant on The Ultimate Writer Competition where writers from all over the world compete in a battle of article views on The Scrap.

ENTRY #16 — UFC Super Fan, USA
November 9, 2019

5. Eryk Anders

Eryk Anders lacks everything I want to see when I fantasize about my wife making love to UFC fighters. He’s not bald, lacks abdominal muscles, and a weak nickname. If you think I am going to let a man that goes by “Ya Boi” make love to my wife you are most likely wrong.

I am looking for “Her Man” not “Her Boi.”

4. Derek Brunson

He physically assaulted the prettiest middleweight of all time, Elias Theodorou. My wife, while weighing much more than Elias, she is also much less attractive and if Derek did not care about Elias, I know damn well he will not care about my horse-carriage wife.

3. Stipe Miocic

There are 2 reasons why the heavyweight champion of the word will never touch my wife. The first is he looks too much like my wife’s current boyfriend. The second is that my wife looks too much like Daniel Cormier.

I would be unable to focus on them fornicating, because I would just have epic flashbacks of Stipe punching Daniel in the stomach.

2. Khabib Nurmagomedov

While Khabib’s ground game is dominant, it would be very boring, and that is the main reason why I am on this journey. Also I would never ask or include him in a sexual article.

I would never offend him or his fans.

1. Zabit Magomedsharipov

While Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves, it is also confirmed that he got zero ass. Zabit looking identical to him, likely has limited experience as well. Also he is very skinny while my wife is very wide.

It would look like a tooth pick drowning in cookie dough.

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